Ashleighs’ Flight

Posted: January 19, 2016 in Uncategorized
My eyes still speak of stories that have never left my lips; and of all the times I hid behind diagnosis’ that were written on my scripts. I always had imagined dealers as being criminals and thieves- But, my first dealer was a doctor…. How had I really been so naïve? I hadn’t asked to be raped, to have my body used against me as a weapon- What a fucked up thing to use your fists to teach a lesson…. Hands around my neck strangling me with his deception. Black eyes fade….split lips heal, bones can always be reset, But that lifeless look of hatred is one that I never will forget. I started to panic-I was crumbling; fear sat so quietly devouring my soul, I’ll forever curse the moment that first substance made me whole. I was only 15 then- all I knew was I’d been hurt and was in pain,, I never thought one day I’d be sticking a needle in my vein. Had one tiny blue pill really sent me down the road of my demise? Would losing everybody’s trust be worth the frantic mess that came with all the lies? Society took mental illness and painted over it with shame, So let me be the first to stand up, proudly- and attach that stigma to my name. Denial is deadly, denial really is no joke- Denial hides behind the truth in which one day we always choke. My whole family rallied around me- they held me up when I couldn’t stand, But, addiction snuck up behind me and ruined everything that I had planned. I never even noticed that as time passed I popped more pills, and nowhere in that pamphlet had it warned that, “this prescription kills”. I didn’t grow up sheltered, we were proactive- I had D.A.R.E. But no class taught me how it felt to be so lost in such despair. I had been fighting writers block for what felt like years… …there were so many drugs…and too few tears. I wonder how things might have changed, if all that time spent high could be exchanged. It was the streets that taught me how to cope…. Whose rigid hands revived my hope…. As I was blindly placed into the arms of dope. I had always sworn that that wouldn’t be me- because um, aren’t all addicts thugs? Well karma slapped me upside the head the day I fell in love with drugs. The rug got pulled out from below me, What? I have a drug problem? Are you insane? I was completely oblivious to the spell addiction had cast onto my brain. My family continued to carry me- they didn’t cut me off or throw me out, Their love shined through the clouds that had been shadowing me with doubt. So, I straightened up; got clean; started living life without a sense of entitlement, While embracing recovery I finally saw the light, and told my addiction it was time to go into retirement.
Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s