Posted: February 10, 2015 in Uncategorized

My story began 7 years ago when I began using and immediately fell in love with opiates. I started just snorting oxy’s. My husband and I went through any and all measures to make sure we had pills so we wouldn’t be sick. He workedj a full-time job and I was a stay at home mom of our two beautiful daughters. Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with chronic kidney diseases she was just 18 months old. Facing kidney failure and I was completely incapable of caring for either one of my kids. My husband and I were on a downwards spiral going out of control. We were always broke missing Dr.s appointments for a chronically ill child. That didn’t stop us though we only sought out an “easier” way. I gave in to the needle before he did. I remember the day he saw the track marks on my arms. He cried. We were best friends and swore to each other we would never go that route no matter what. I know that crushed him. I went to rehab for 30 days, but my addiction ruled me. I was addicted to heroin the needle the whole fucking mess! We lost everything. Our cars our home. We had nothing but each other and in time we lost that too. I spent every minute of everyday trying to find something to inject into my arms, or my hands, or my feet. Eventually the veins in my arms collapsed so I would shoot up into the smaller veins in my hands and feet. At this point we were living with his family. Our girls didn’t have their own rooms. They slept with us. Then one day that first phone call came. One of my very best and dearest friends had died of a heroin/cocaine overdose. She was smart and beautiful and also had a beautiful daughter. She had everything to live for but just couldn’t stop. Her loss devastated me. It still does, but I know she’s still with me. She is the reason I began to turn my life around. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving my husband and my girls any longer. I slowly watched myself getting better, but my husband was getting sicker. I started finding spoons and needles in his pants pockets. I was losing him. I took the girls and moved into my parent’s house. Another call came that another dear friend of ours had died of a heroin overdose. My heart was breaking. I knew in my heart that I had to stay on the right path. Keep doing me and taking care of my girls. Two weeks after that heart breaking phone call and a devastated community of people who were still grieving the loss of two of our closest friends to this disease, I got the phone call that I had been dreading for over a year. My husband had overdosed in his parent’s bathroom. By the time I got there he was dead. I don’t understand it. I never will. He left us behind and it kills me everyday. I wonder all the time if there was something I could or should have done to help him. I fucking HATE DRUGS! They took my friends my husband, everything I loved away from me. Right now hate and anger is the only thing driving me to stay clean. My husband will be gone 4 months on December 23rd. Why???


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s